Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Science of "Want"

I love the life I live. Don't get me wrong. I am an adult and I whole-heartedly admit to the constant decisions that I make which thereby create my own reality. I get it.

So why is it that when I hear about what other people are doing, I tend to whine, I wanna do that!?

I recently heard from a few classmates from college, who after long-ish periods of doing seemingly nothing (nothing worth writing about, anyway) in the States, they have broken free once more to travel in Latin America and throughout the world.

They are riding buses and taking trains. They are rock climbing and surfing and hiking and sleeping in unexpected dwellings. They are trying new foods and recommendations by other travelers. They are just passing through.

Another friend wrote a few days back and told me the tale full of twists and turns of how her life is falling into absolute perfection, needs are being met miraculously (I don't use that term loosely) and she is the happiest that I have ever known this constantly happy woman to be.

Meanwhile, here in my own paradise, no news is good news. I have regular daily habits, I have routine. And while this brings Comfort and Security, it also drags along it's dull triplet, Boredom.

I haven't traveled to or visited a new place in a very long time. My outlet for new activities (and newness in general) is finite. I try constantly to make my classes fresh and fun, while mixing it up for my own benefit, as well, because otherwise, I'm bored. And if I'm bored, guess who stopped listening and started texting long ago (students!)? My search for my next teaching contract has been a little daunting and disappointing, so far.

I am combating these feelings of staleness and underachievement, by reminding myself that I have plenty of projects and endeavors still in this place. By telling myself to continue enjoying the moment, because when things do change, they generally don't stop, and there you are, reminiscing about the "Salad Days" of yesteryear.

So I will continue to be genuinely happy for my friends, and keep enjoying the stillness of these moments. Where time has slowed and the messiness of life has seemed to settle, like muddy water in a jar, to reveal understanding with crystal clarity.