Friday, June 18, 2010


I'm still adjusting to my new home, the change in scenery, change of pace, being in school as a teacher instead of a student...I'm still struggling with some things. Like my unwillingness to trust in things or people I have no control over. I have always lived in beautiful places (yes, I even find Kansas to be beautiful - Anyone can love the mountains, it takes soul to love the prairie), and if you can't find happiness in good times, you won't have happiness in hard times.

I guess I am really trying to learn to let go of what I want so badly, things that I can't force to happen. I know that each day is a test of character, and how you react to crappy situations say so much about how you face life and love. I have always been cynical and logical and level-headed, enough to be at a disadvantage, since sometimes I am simply negative and depressed. But I am beginning to become a much more light-hearted person. Someone who is willing to take a huge risk, because an outcome which is out of my control, could possibly be worth it...even as I type, my head and heart are at a standoff.

Everyday we have choices about the struggles we face. I am living in a country whose language I am still desperately trying to learn. I am very far away from my family and relatives and best friends. I am learning to teach during every class that passes by. I am learning to love and to be loved. I am adapting to what's available in order to take as best care of myself as is possible. Luckily for me I have access to fresh-grown fruits and veggies. The main hiking trails are now paved, so I'm jogging every morning without being followed by stray dogs. I'm starting to do yoga on the beach regularly. I am reading and writing and taking beautiful pictures. I am very aware of how lucky I am. About EVERYTHING.