Saturday, October 9, 2010
So things are changing. And I'm changing, but this is nothing new, really. It has only happened in this place that I have focused so much on change and evolution, obviously, and really chewed on the fat of why and how these changes are occurring. Time is cyclical, and I think that certain things happen in order to notice things that were always present, but unawares to you until you suddenly trip over them, like a table leg in the dark.
Biologically, I am at an age where, I hate to admit, there is an instinct to nest. I'm not traveling currently, and living in another country is a very different experience. My daily routines have not only been altered, but so have my basic interests. I am taking salsa lessons, watching soccer matches at the stadium, I take naps on the beach, and I don't ride a bike much anymore. (Only this last item is sad)
The goals that I planned and anticipated for for years have also shifted. Part of this is simply due to new opportunities and experiences. However, I finally realized that all my dreams of what I would do after school didn't involve anyone else, they were based on the fact that I would be single and solo. Forever. I never thought that status would change. But it has, I'm in love and suddenly no longer making the trek alone.
The root of my dreams hasn't changed: I want to travel, I want to work in education and conservation, I want to live in a non-traditional manner, simple and grounded, yet free and flexible. I yearn for fresh experiences, chances to learn.
I read an article recently about how my generation is waiting until much later in life to "grow up" and become independent adults, which was basically defined as professionals and home owners and drivers of SUVs. You know, functional members of society with plenty of plastic in their wallets and security or dependence on such systems as mortgages and outrageous school loans, however you want to describe it.
I often have to remind myself of my own age, and then I spend a few baffled minutes trying to remember how I got here. I kind of like that. I like being lost in the moments which make up life, only to occasionally be given brief lapses of reprieve, to stop and look behind you at the trail you've created. It only proves that you are only as old as you feel, since some days I feel like a teen, while others like an abuelita.
The short of it is that I can feel my constructs shifting. My goals are changed. My outlook on marriage and family and even friendship is altered. In the meantime, I find myself doing things I never foresaw: helping in a tourism outfitter store in the Galapagos, translating for tourists, editing brochures for the National Park, growing endemic cacti in my bedroom window like any other houseplant, taking my handmade cloth grocery bag to the market on Saturdays, watching Latin American politics create headlines in my country of residence, the list goes on.
Bottom line: I am adapting. Like the plants and animals have done here for ages, I am meshing and evolving, I am changing and my future is as bright as the break of day. I won't forget, but will let go of the past as I walk towards the sun.
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