Saturday, May 8, 2010

Be Here Now

Well, classes are done, and I have only two finals left before graduation. I'm so excited for my family to come visit me for a few days, I'm not sure when I'll be with them again... Many friends have already left, for jobs, for travel. It still hasn't hit me yet that I'm done here, and when I do return, I probably won't be coming back to Colorado. Actually, this probably won't hit me until I'm on my way to the airport.

My sister told me the other day that despite all the stress and never-ending lists of things still to do before departure, to enjoy these last few moments of school, of time with these friends, of time in this place. I realized that I am usually feeling nostalgia for the past, or excitement from planning my future. I don't often take comfort in the present, especially when I am busy and stressed out. Probably because I am caught up in a feeling that there is no end to this! But how untrue.

I want to slow down more and re-evaluate the stakes at hand, breathe deeply and say, "It is what it is." Even my most stressful days are still due to accomplishments I've made, goals I've reached, current challenges I'm undertaking. And if I didn't care about something, it wouldn't bother me. Edward Abbey says that love implies anger. That if you don't care passionately about anything, nothing can get you riled up, elated, or disappointed. There is a famous quote that I feel sums up this dilemma perfectly;

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination. for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one." Souza

To me, one of the worst things in life is not knowing when you are saying a goodbye. It's important to me to have this knowledge prior and to seek out an appropriate ending, some closure, a peaceful moment to send a farewell. And while I have begun this process of getting closure with the people and places around me, I want to continue to do this everyday. To think of it as the only moment that matters. To take it all in like the first or last time, every time.